Addiction: Substances and Behaviours

When we think of addiction, there’s a tendency to imagine the most extreme stereotype – a homeless person using heroin, someone who drinks every single day or in the morning, someone who is thousands of pounds in debt from gambling or someone at rock bottom. Whilst these things do happen as a result of addiction, sometimes it can show up in subtle ways too. It might be that someone likes to binge drink only on the weekends and does well during the work week, but that their binging is making them feel exhausted, blacking out or saying things they don’t mean. It can show up as someone who has a house, a job, a great relationship but feels powerless over needing to smoke packets of cigarettes each day. And in modern times it has started to show up in our dependence on phone use and social media – we can’t seem to pull ourselves away from it, even when it’s making us feel too distracted or bad about ourselves.

There is a lot of judgement on addictive behaviours. Yet no human is immune from finding themselves in a cycle of trying to stop engaging in a certain action yet repeatedly doing so. Most of us know what it’s like to say that we won’t go back to that unhealthy relationship, yet get pulled back in. A simple definition of an addictive behaviour is, ‘a persistent and intense urge to engage in a behaviour or substance use, despite substantial negative consequences’.

I have years of lived and clinical experience working with addiction, and as a subject with much blame and secrecy, being able to talk about it out loud in therapy can be transformative and freeing. I am here to hold a non-judgemental space in regard to your experiences of addiction, as someone who is imperfect and flawed myself, and I am here to help guide you towards a healthier place with the substance or behaviour that you’re struggling with, whether that’s complete abstinence or harm reduction. I am familiar with both Step Programmes and Non-Step Programmes (eg: SMART meetings, CBT based, hollistic). I will tailor my approach towards what best fits you and your needs and please note that Step Programmes are advised to be completed outside the therapy with a sponsor, but I am happy to support this alongside.

Loss and Grief:

Dying, endings and loss are inevitable aspects of our lives yet is often something that we shy away from facing due to the pain and fear surrounding it. Grief isn’t always about the physical death of another person – we can grieve for someone whilst they’re still alive because of a terminal illness, severe substance abuse or family estrangement. We can grieve the loss of our relationship after a breakup as we navigate the world without that person anymore, and we can grieve the loss of an important career or chapter of our lives that has left us. Any form of ending is a loss, and sometimes this can be a positive ending – perhaps we are moving to a new city to start an exciting life yet feel the loss of our old community or familiarity. Celebrating finishing a milestone but then feeling lost or not sure what to do next. Sometimes we’re both relieved and sad about something ending or someone dying. Therapy can be a place to finally discuss the complexity of grief, to realise there is no right or wrong way to grieve and all feelings towards it are valid, even if confusing. Therapy can help towards achieving acceptance around the loss, despite how impossible that may feel, and to understand that although the event cannot be changed, our relationship to the loss evolves, heals and changes overtime.

LGBTQIA

I have volunteered as a counsellor at MindOut for 2+ years working with LGBTQ+ adults so I am experienced in working with the issues that this community struggle with. This includes gender and sexual identity, transitioning, polyamorous and open relationships, discrimination and alienation, bi-erasure or questions around being ‘queer’ or ‘trans’ enough, coming out to friends, family members or colleagues, coming out as gay/lesbian/trans after living as a heterosexual or cis person for many years, exploring new LGBTQ+ relationships and more.

Sex Positive & Sex Worker Friendly

I adopt a sex positive approach in my work. This means that topics around sex are explored without stigma and judgement. People can carry a lot of shame around sexual topics and avoid talking about them. The ‘Sex Education’ we receive during school is not up to date or adept at giving us the tools, answers and understanding we need. Everyone has a right to healthy, safe and consensual sex and therapy can be a place to explore our relationship to intimacy, whether we’re sexually active or not, and to discover what feels best for us. Some people are asexual and prefer not to have sex or don’t experience sexual attraction, and this is also something that can be explored together. 

Sex Workers are always welcome in my room. They are often discriminated against and can be fearful around being exploited or exposed. People go into Sex Work for many reasons, but people have an assumption or pre-conceived idea about Sex Workers that aren’t accurate. Sex Workers are at risk for being in danger due to the hostile judgements and exploitative environments they can find themselves in, so offering a space where they can feel safer is important to me. Sex Workers also make up a large portion of the LGBTQ+ community and so face even more risk of discrimination.

A Trauma Informed Approach

My professional and trained approach is in Humanistic and Person-Centred therapy, but alongside this I have years of research, lived experience and working with traumatised people that makes me trauma informed. I have knowledge and experience of PTSD and Complex PTSD and my lived experience of surviving trauma as well as my clinical experience has meant that I naturally offer a trauma informed way of relating to others, because I also relate to myself in a trauma informed way. With that said, it’s important to note that I am not expertly trained in trauma therapies such as EMDR. It is always helpful to consider getting specialised help for trauma with someone who is trained and qualified in trauma therapies. 

Working with trauma is usually best done over time rather than in a few sessions, but people may still find relief from short term work. Trauma has a way of completely disconnecting and shattering our sense of selves, our view of the world and our ability to relate to others. Not only does our world not feel safe but being inside our bodies might not feel safe either. The right therapist will spend time with you building the trust to model a trustworthy, regulated way of relating again. It can take several sessions to begin feeling secure enough to talk about trauma and if rushed, re-traumatisation can occur. Research has shown that expressing trauma non-verbally, for example through writing, art or music can be effective and less intimidating than talking about it. Traumatised individuals live in a state of fight or flight, the nervous system is either overstimulated (panic/hypervigilant) or under stimulated (numb/dissociated) and it’s important that therapy can help people regulate their nervous system again before addressing trauma.